Asmita Becoming Satcitananda

 Asmita is pride or ego, I briefly read about in the intro of the yoga sutras this morning. It talked about how in a pose or asana there can be creation from both challenge and fear. Fear inhibits you, being too rash will lead you to fall, and being timorous you will find no progress. As a student to observe all of these forces you can then reflect, learn to control and therefore find perfection. Asmita proposed and asmita opposed becoming one then becomes satcitananda=purity, consciousness, bliss. 

Handstands have always been a bit of an on going challenge in my practice and it is one of those poses that I attach a lot of ego to so I figure ok I will start there. The first couple of attempts and I felt the fear of tipping over and allowed myself the consciousness to not let it hold back my kick up. Then I noticed how I was holding my breath. So then the challenge became focusing on breathe with the movement of kicking up and breathing through the balancing. When the handstand actually happened I wasn't even ready for it, then it kept going to the point where I was so excited and beaming with joy I felt my entire body uplifted. The feeling stayed with me as I continued to flow into other asanas. The whole time my ego pumping and winking, I could not wait to tell someone. So of course when I tried it on the other side it was a fail. No matter how much I tired it just wasn't going to happen. The rest of my flow I was dealing with irritation and frustration, could not get back into my breath and was caught up in my head and emotions. Dropping into child's pose finally got me to surrender.

This was the perfect lesson of both sides of the asmita I read about. The bliss or sacitananda was when I realized that both the success and the failure was what cleared my mind. I have issues with attachments and seeing the ego playing as a main character to my attachment to a perfect handstand practice, was a really wonderful observation. I am grateful for this awareness and in that I feel bliss. 

So I encourage you to check out your ego, see what he or she does in your practice and is there a deeper connection to your life or behavioral traits? Put it on your radar and see what you discover.